THE LEPRECHAUN'S TALE
from Ireland
WHY, TOP OF THE MORNIN' TO YA, LADS AND LASSIES! LET ME INTRODUCE MESELF TO YA- ME NAME IS SHAMUS, AND I AM A LEPRECHAUN! WOULD YA LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT THE ONE TIME A BIG FOLK TRIED TO TAKE ME GOLD FROM ME? AND ABOUT HOW I PLAYED A TRICK ON HIM HE'LL NEVER FORGET? WELL, I'LL BE HAPPY TO TELL YA, THEN!
IT WAS WAS EARLY MORNIN' AND I WAS SITTIN UNDER THE OAK TREE DOWN BY THE STREAM THAT RUNS THRU DILLION'S FARM. NOW, THERE I WAS AND NOT A SOUL ABOUT-OR SO I THOUGHT- AND NOT A SOUND ON THE AIR SAVE THE CHIRPIN OF THE BIRDS OR THE TAPPIN OF ME LITTLE FEET. WHY, IT WAS A MORNIN TO BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE AND A SONG TO YOUR HEART! WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN....I WAS POUNCED UPON.... BY ONE OF THE BIG FOLK!!
WHY, BEFORE I COULD DO ANYTHING, HE LIFTED ME UP OFF THE GROUND LIKE A FLEA!() OOHHH, A GIANT OF A MAN HE WAS- THREE TIMES ME SIZE AND WITH ARMS ON HIM THAT COULD CHOKE AN OX! WELL, HE HAD ME FAIR AND SQUARE AND WITH A GEEEDY LOOK IN HIS EYE HE ASKS.....
BIG FOLK: NOW WHERE BE YOUR POT OF GOLD, LITTLE MAN? NO TRICKS
NOW, OR I'LL EAT YOU FOR LUNCH I WILL!
SHAMUS: ME POT OF GOLD, YA SAY? WELL, I CAN'T SAY I REMEMBER, SO I GUESS I CAN'T BE TELLIN YA NOW, CAN I- YA BIG UGLY OX!(RASPBERRY)
BIG FOLK: SO, STICKIN YOUR TONGUE AT ME, YA LITTLE SQUINT? WELL I GUESS I'LL NIBBLE ON YOUR HEAD AND WORK ME WAY-
SHAMUS: NO, NO! THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY; I BELIEVE ME MEMORIE'S COMING BACK TO ME NOW! I HID THE GOLD UNDERNEATH ONE OF THE FLAT STONES IN ....THE QUARRY-THAT'S IT, THE QUARRY!
BIG FOLK: THE QUARRY, EH? COME WITH ME LITTLE MAN!
SO THE BIG FOLK PUT ME IN HIS POCKET LIKE A LEMON DROP(). AND FOR THREE MILES HE WALKED THROUGH THE FOREST AND OVER THE BRIDGE UNTIL WE FINALLY REACHED THE QUARRY. AND BELIEVE ME, AFTER ALL OF THAT WALKIN, THAT BIG FOLK WAS SWEATIN LIKE A HORSE- AND SMELLIN' LIKE A PIG! HE TOOK ME OUT OF HIS POCKET AND SAID.....
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BIG FOLK: SO, LITTLE MAN, HERE WE ARE AT THE QUARRY, AND I SEE BEFORE ME ONE HUNDRED FLAT STONES; NOW UNDER WHICH STONE WOULD THE GOLD BE, EH?
SHAMUS: LET'S SEE... I THINK IT'S UNDER.....THAT ONE!!
BIG FOLK: WELL, THEN, I'LL BE LIFTIN IT UP THEN, WON'T I? I'M GOIN TO BE A RICHMAN, I'M GOIN TO BE A RICHMAN!() AUUURURUGH! WHY, THIS STONE IS A STUBBORN ONE, BUT I’LL GET IT UP!() AAAARRGGGH! WELL, LOOKS LIKE I'LL BE NEEDIN A PICK AND SHOVEL!
SHAMUS: AND WHAT ABOUT ME? THERE'S NOT MUCH I COULD BE DOIN FOR YOU NOW.
BIG FOLK: OH, BE OFF WITH YA! I HAVE TO GET ME A PICK AND SHOVEL- AH....AND SINCE I'M SUCH A CLEVER MAN, I'LL TAKE THIS PIECE OF FLINT AND MARK AN "X" ON THE STONE, SO THAT WHEN I COME BACK, I'LL NOT FORGET WHERE THE GOLD IS!! I'M GOIN TO BE A RICHMAN, I'M GOIN TO BE A RICHMAN! (WALKS AWAY)
SO, LADS AND LASSIES, WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW HOW I PLAYED A TRICK ON THE BIG FOLK? WHILE HE WAS AWAY, I TOOK THAT SAME PIECE OF FLINT AND I PUT AND "X" ON ALL THE STONES! OH-OH, HERE HE COMES....
BIG FOLK: I'M GOIN TO BE A RICHMAN- AH, I GOT ME PICK AND SHOVEL; NOW WHERE IS THE STONE WITH THE X ON IT- AH, THERE IT IS! WAIT A MINUTE, THAT STONE HAS AN X ON IT, TOO...AND SO DOES THAT ONE.. AND THAT ONE.. AND THAT, AND THAT,AND THAT, AND THAT AND AAAAAAAH!!!!!! I DON'T BELIEVE ME EYES-TRICKED BY A LEPRECHAUN!!
AND THAT, LADS AND LASSIES, IS HOW I, SHAMUS THE LEPRECHAUN, TRICKED ONE OF THE BIG FOLK- TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YA!!!